2024-09-16
- 分享
-
-
1.自2017年至今专注中英文作文人工批改润色，专注专业服务稳定；我们价格极低，平均每篇批改润色写作指导不超过20元，其他机构仅批改都要30元起；
2.每一篇都包含：逐词逐句人工批改、错误分析，300字以上超详细写作建议，所有口语化表达、不地道表达、不符合语境的表达等逐个改进，对模板化作文进行去模板化润色，严格打分，逐句高分替换，原创素材【其他机构只提供批改、错误分析、几句话点评、打分】；
3.我们批改效率极高，提交后24小时内出结果，最迟不超过48小时。
↓↓↓批改案例展示在最下面↓↓↓
★逐词逐句超详细批改（独家）
①常规的词汇语法改错；
②语法结构是否通顺（独家）；
③用词、句型、语法知识使用是否得当（独家）；
④句子表达是否冗长，以及如何简化（独家）；
⑤句子结构和语法结构是否完整（独家）；
⑥表达是否清晰，格式是否正确（独家）；
⑦语序表达是否自然流程（独家）；
⑧表达是否符合文体（独家）；
⑨语法是否混乱，用词是否严谨（独家）；
......（我们从十几种维度进行全方面深层次批改，挖掘所有问题）
★全文润色（独家）
①使用更地道、更严谨、更符合语境的表达（独家）；
②将口语化表达进行替换（独家）；
③语法结构进行润色调整（独家）；
④将模板化作文进行升级，去模板化（独家）；
⑤使用更丰富的词汇表达、语法结构（独家）；
......（每一篇都赠送润色服务，可直接拿来背诵/交作业等）
★每一段超详细写作指导（独家）
①针对性提升写作内容；
②每一段如何写更好，并给出具体的提升方案（独家）。
★严格打分
①严格按照考试要求打分；
②如果提交的作文未注明作文类型，会按照百分制打分。
③每一篇都赠送大量的高分写作素材（和作文主题相关的）（独家）
Ø 作文批改：
Solution to the Problem of Plastic Pollution: Legislation or Technology?
When we listen to （用词不当。这里听说了某条消息使用动词词组hear about）the gloomy News. The dead whale （前后衔接不当，句式连贯性差。建议用同为语从句解释说明news：news that a dead whale）was washed ashore on the （话题背景信息介绍不具体，插入地点Italian）coast ,with nearly 50 pounds of plastic waste in its stomach（插入细节信息，强调是人为的。thrown by human beings）. The trouble is worth our to think （worth结构搭配错误。is worth reflecting on）why the whale how to dead（语法错误，why the whale how to dead句式错误，此外dead是形容词不能跟to搭配。修正：has died） and why it's（语法错误，这里应该用名词性物主代词its表示它的）stomach have（语法错误，主谓不一致，这里谓语动词是单数has） a lot of waste. With the development of human society, mankind has gradually mastered the whole earth（信息表达不恰当。修正：mastered the majority of resources on the earth）. Our plastic waste has polluted the land, and the ocean is gradually polluted by our plastic（时态不恰当，应考虑用现在完成时强调对现在的后果。修改：has meanwhile been gradually polluted by our plastic waste）.（信息缺失，在引入自己立场之前，要先将争论双方的观点介绍清楚，这是展开观点辩论的背景根基。 插入：Some people claim that it is necessary to take legislation to restrict the utilization of plastic waste, while others consider technological renovation as the key solution.） As for me, I think the twe（冠词多余、拼写错误。修正：two） point（可数名词变复数： points） must concurrence（表达不当，情态动词must与名词occurrence的搭配语法错误。修正：are supposed to correlate with each other）, one cannot do without the other（删去）. But we must（用词不当。must此类语气较强硬的情态动词不建议在应试作文中频繁使用，建议用are expected to替换更加地道） live on the earth, we can't leave（语义表达缺失，插入without）frash（拼写错误，修正：fresh） air and water, （语法错误，逻辑关系不清楚，逗号不能连接句子。插入and most importantly）we need to make peace with nature. So I just think the legislation and technology need concurrence（表达不太符合英语语言习惯，句式表达过于单一。修正： are playing equally important roles in environmental protections, both of which are deserved to be concerned.）
First of all, my view is to cope with this problem through （the approach of）science and technology. Plastic pollution is now recognized as a serious environmental problem.（句式比较单调，缺少变化，时态亦不妥当。修改：The is no denying that white waste now has been acknowledged as a serious environmental problem.） In this regard, I believe that technology should be developed to （so as to）avoid such pollution. Reasons are as follows. First, in fact, China has introduced（用词不当。carried out） many environmental protection policies, but people still pollute the environment. Therefore（赞，注意使用逻辑衔接词，加强文章逻辑关系）, such pollution can（用词不当，建议使用might表示可能） be effectively avoided through science and technology. Second, our country has also made （插入修饰词conscious，增加文章词汇难度）efforts on（这里应该用on doing sth的搭配结构表达具体动作。如on improving） the environment. For example, the journal environment science and technology.（作者考虑用到举例，是值得鼓励的。但是，举例阐述不够详细具体，失去了辅助支撑论证的作用。修改建议：作者需要具体说明这本环保与科技期刊是如何在科技领域帮助改善环境污染问题的。） I believe that in the continuous efforts of the people throughout the country. And the problem of plastic pollution will be cope with.（语法错误，逻辑关系表达混乱。 修正： I believe that continuous efforts from the public throughout the whole country will help solve the problem of plastic pollution）.
第二段在观点论证上逻辑不清晰，部分观点论证不清楚。第一段的立场句明确表达出作者是对科技之路和立法途径同时关切的，所以论证部分应该从两个层面清晰地陈列出采用各自解决途径的必要性。显然，本段仅是简略地提及了科技解决塑料污染的观点，对于立法途径鲜有提及，这是本篇文章在论证部分的主要失分点。
To sum up, the government should（表达不当，替换为：is supposed to） make laws and encourage technological innovations to protect the whales（偷换概念。本篇文章论证的焦点在于环境保护，而不是保护鲸鱼这一具体概念。修正：protect our environment）.The government will put the policy into place as soon as possible for them to carry out（删去，因为与前面put the policy into place语义表达重复）. In a word，we should protect the whale, （语法错误，逗号不能连接多个动词，插入and）protect the earth, （语法错误，逗号不能连接句子。插入表示因果的衔接词because）it is our common home. （结尾段开头已用To sum up来进行总结，此处再使用in a word会让人产生疑惑。而且在To sum up后作者并未给出总结性的话语，而是提出了对环境保护的建议。在结尾段，建议先总结文字内容，再提出建议，是一种更符合逻辑的写作模式。建议更改为To sum up, we should protect the wale, protect the earth, because it is our common home. Only when the government make laws and encourage technological innovations to protect our environment can we bring our earth to a green homeland.）
Ø 写作指导：
原文评分：65/100（三档文）
本篇学生习作属于“马马虎虎”水平，即有基本的写作框架和写作思路，掌握了一定的英文写作语法规则和词汇应用能力，但是语言表达能力和论证思辨能力还处于较低的层次，具体表现：
1. 文章结构逻辑性和连贯性较差。文章缺少清晰、连贯的写作结构，论证段和首位段观点有出入，并且不足以支撑主要观点，任务完成度较低。此外，逻辑关系处理地不理想，逻辑衔接词使用不够充分、准确。修改建议：首先作者拿到题目后，需要仔细审题，然后确定写作框架，并根据写作整体结构分段。这里老师列出了本篇作文基本的写作思路建议，供作者参考：
Para 1: Introducing the main idea of the news and elaborating opinions of both sides and claiming your personal point of view.
Para 2: Stating the significance of legislation in dealing with plastic waste.
Para 3: Stating the importance of the technological approach in addressing plastic waste.
Para 4: Restating your opinion by summarizing main evidence based the above argument.
作者还需要注意在写作过程中即使查看句与句之间的逻辑关系，添加必要的衔接手段。如：表示因果的衔接词because，so，therefore等；表示转折的衔接词however，but，yet，nevertheless等；表示递进的衔接词besides，in addition，what's more，furthermore等。
2. 句式表达较单一，缺少灵活性和多样性和地道性。 作者虽然具备了基本的英文写作能力，但是在语言应用上显然还欠缺熟练使用高级句式的水平，具体表现为：简单句较多，缺少复杂高级句式的应用；情态动词can、should、must等词汇构句较多，不太符合英语语言表达的地道性。修改建议： 加强从句，尤其是定语从句的应用。如：the legislation and technology are playing equally important roles in environmental protections, both of which are deserved to be concerned. 此外，情态动词表达过于生硬、绝对，建议用get to、be able to、be supposed to、be expected to等地道表达替换。
3. 论据论证不充分。从写作的规范性角度出发，本篇作文在第二段针对立场句的观点陈述有偏颇，部分观点未有明确陈述。第一段的立场句明确表达出作者是对科技之路和立法途径同时关切的，所以论证部分应该从两个层面清晰地陈列出采用各自解决途径的必要性。显然，本段仅是简略地提及了科技解决塑料污染的观点，对于立法途径鲜有提及，这是本篇文章在论证部分的主要失分点。修改建议：作者可分两段分别论证科技解决途径和立法之路的必要性，并分别举例论证，力图做到主要观点有据可依。此外，对于举例论证，作者需要详实论述环保与科技期刊是如何在科技领域帮助改善环境污染问题的，而不是仅仅抛出一个概念。
Ø 作文润色：
批改后精修文：92/100（一档文）
Solution to the Problem of Plastic Pollution: Legislation or Technology?
A piece of appalling news recently has gone virus on social media that a stranded whale was found dead along the Italian coast whose stomach was filled with almost 50 pounds of various plastic waste thrown by human beings. Admittedly, with the rapid development of our society, white pollution, such as medical waste, plastic bags and disposable dishware, has threatened the survival of wildlife, which has now been publicly acknowledged as an urgent issue demanding effective solutions. Some people claim that it is necessary to take legislation to restrict the utilization of plastic waste, while others consider technological renovation as the key solution. As far as I am concerned, I reckon that both effective legislation and technological approaches are supposed to be adopted comprehensively.
To begin with, it is imperative to take legislation to restrict overuse of plastic products. As the saying goes, authoritative regulations and laws, being as a sort of tangible hands, could control the market and spending behavior effectively. On one hand, governments might regulate all retail businesses are obliged to provide degradable plastic packages for customers, though it means adding extra cost to both manufacture and consumers. One other hand, it should be written into the law that every citizen is responsible to create an eco-friendly environment and those who throw plastic waste at will should be punishable by a fine. Since 2017, China has banned the import of western plastic waste, which has protected the ecological balance effectively.
In addition, the important role that modern technology has been playing shouldn't also be ignored. Since legislation might only reduce the number of plastic waste but cannot eradicate this problem completely, technological renovations will make it possible to create degradable materials like environmentally friendly plastic dishware and packages, which, thus , shall help prevent our environment from being polluted by plastics in the long run. On top of that, scientists are possible to innovate new recycled paper packages or other materials to replace the plastic bag for customers and businesses.
To sum up, it is strongly suggested that both legislation and technology should be adopted to address plastic waste, because the former will be effective to reduce the daily plastic utilization but the latter is possible to prevent this problem from the source.
1.自2017年至今专注中英文作文人工批改润色，专注专业服务稳定；我们价格极低，平均每篇批改润色写作指导不超过20元，其他机构仅批改都要30元起；
2.每一篇都包含：逐词逐句人工批改、错误分析，300字以上超详细写作建议，所有口语化表达、不地道表达、不符合语境的表达等逐个改进，对模板化作文进行去模板化润色，严格打分，逐句高分替换，原创素材【其他机构只提供批改、错误分析、几句话点评、打分】；
3.我们批改效率极高，提交后24小时内出结果，最迟不超过48小时。
↓↓↓批改案例展示在最下面↓↓↓
★逐词逐句超详细批改（独家）
①常规的词汇语法改错；
②语法结构是否通顺（独家）；
③用词、句型、语法知识使用是否得当（独家）；
④句子表达是否冗长，以及如何简化（独家）；
⑤句子结构和语法结构是否完整（独家）；
⑥表达是否清晰，格式是否正确（独家）；
⑦语序表达是否自然流程（独家）；
⑧表达是否符合文体（独家）；
⑨语法是否混乱，用词是否严谨（独家）；
......（我们从十几种维度进行全方面深层次批改，挖掘所有问题）
★全文润色（独家）
①使用更地道、更严谨、更符合语境的表达（独家）；
②将口语化表达进行替换（独家）；
③语法结构进行润色调整（独家）；
④将模板化作文进行升级，去模板化（独家）；
⑤使用更丰富的词汇表达、语法结构（独家）；
......（每一篇都赠送润色服务，可直接拿来背诵/交作业等）
★每一段超详细写作指导（独家）
①针对性提升写作内容；
②每一段如何写更好，并给出具体的提升方案（独家）。
★严格打分
①严格按照考试要求打分；
②如果提交的作文未注明作文类型，会按照百分制打分。
③每一篇都赠送大量的高分写作素材（和作文主题相关的）（独家）
Ø 作文批改：
Solution to the Problem of Plastic Pollution: Legislation or Technology?
When we listen to （用词不当。这里听说了某条消息使用动词词组hear about）the gloomy News. The dead whale （前后衔接不当，句式连贯性差。建议用同为语从句解释说明news：news that a dead whale）was washed ashore on the （话题背景信息介绍不具体，插入地点Italian）coast ,with nearly 50 pounds of plastic waste in its stomach（插入细节信息，强调是人为的。thrown by human beings）. The trouble is worth our to think （worth结构搭配错误。is worth reflecting on）why the whale how to dead（语法错误，why the whale how to dead句式错误，此外dead是形容词不能跟to搭配。修正：has died） and why it's（语法错误，这里应该用名词性物主代词its表示它的）stomach have（语法错误，主谓不一致，这里谓语动词是单数has） a lot of waste. With the development of human society, mankind has gradually mastered the whole earth（信息表达不恰当。修正：mastered the majority of resources on the earth）. Our plastic waste has polluted the land, and the ocean is gradually polluted by our plastic（时态不恰当，应考虑用现在完成时强调对现在的后果。修改：has meanwhile been gradually polluted by our plastic waste）.（信息缺失，在引入自己立场之前，要先将争论双方的观点介绍清楚，这是展开观点辩论的背景根基。 插入：Some people claim that it is necessary to take legislation to restrict the utilization of plastic waste, while others consider technological renovation as the key solution.） As for me, I think the twe（冠词多余、拼写错误。修正：two） point（可数名词变复数： points） must concurrence（表达不当，情态动词must与名词occurrence的搭配语法错误。修正：are supposed to correlate with each other）, one cannot do without the other（删去）. But we must（用词不当。must此类语气较强硬的情态动词不建议在应试作文中频繁使用，建议用are expected to替换更加地道） live on the earth, we can't leave（语义表达缺失，插入without）frash（拼写错误，修正：fresh） air and water, （语法错误，逻辑关系不清楚，逗号不能连接句子。插入and most importantly）we need to make peace with nature. So I just think the legislation and technology need concurrence（表达不太符合英语语言习惯，句式表达过于单一。修正： are playing equally important roles in environmental protections, both of which are deserved to be concerned.）
First of all, my view is to cope with this problem through （the approach of）science and technology. Plastic pollution is now recognized as a serious environmental problem.（句式比较单调，缺少变化，时态亦不妥当。修改：The is no denying that white waste now has been acknowledged as a serious environmental problem.） In this regard, I believe that technology should be developed to （so as to）avoid such pollution. Reasons are as follows. First, in fact, China has introduced（用词不当。carried out） many environmental protection policies, but people still pollute the environment. Therefore（赞，注意使用逻辑衔接词，加强文章逻辑关系）, such pollution can（用词不当，建议使用might表示可能） be effectively avoided through science and technology. Second, our country has also made （插入修饰词conscious，增加文章词汇难度）efforts on（这里应该用on doing sth的搭配结构表达具体动作。如on improving） the environment. For example, the journal environment science and technology.（作者考虑用到举例，是值得鼓励的。但是，举例阐述不够详细具体，失去了辅助支撑论证的作用。修改建议：作者需要具体说明这本环保与科技期刊是如何在科技领域帮助改善环境污染问题的。） I believe that in the continuous efforts of the people throughout the country. And the problem of plastic pollution will be cope with.（语法错误，逻辑关系表达混乱。 修正： I believe that continuous efforts from the public throughout the whole country will help solve the problem of plastic pollution）.
第二段在观点论证上逻辑不清晰，部分观点论证不清楚。第一段的立场句明确表达出作者是对科技之路和立法途径同时关切的，所以论证部分应该从两个层面清晰地陈列出采用各自解决途径的必要性。显然，本段仅是简略地提及了科技解决塑料污染的观点，对于立法途径鲜有提及，这是本篇文章在论证部分的主要失分点。
To sum up, the government should（表达不当，替换为：is supposed to） make laws and encourage technological innovations to protect the whales（偷换概念。本篇文章论证的焦点在于环境保护，而不是保护鲸鱼这一具体概念。修正：protect our environment）.The government will put the policy into place as soon as possible for them to carry out（删去，因为与前面put the policy into place语义表达重复）. In a word，we should protect the whale, （语法错误，逗号不能连接多个动词，插入and）protect the earth, （语法错误，逗号不能连接句子。插入表示因果的衔接词because）it is our common home. （结尾段开头已用To sum up来进行总结，此处再使用in a word会让人产生疑惑。而且在To sum up后作者并未给出总结性的话语，而是提出了对环境保护的建议。在结尾段，建议先总结文字内容，再提出建议，是一种更符合逻辑的写作模式。建议更改为To sum up, we should protect the wale, protect the earth, because it is our common home. Only when the government make laws and encourage technological innovations to protect our environment can we bring our earth to a green homeland.）
Ø 写作指导：
原文评分：65/100（三档文）
本篇学生习作属于“马马虎虎”水平，即有基本的写作框架和写作思路，掌握了一定的英文写作语法规则和词汇应用能力，但是语言表达能力和论证思辨能力还处于较低的层次，具体表现：
1. 文章结构逻辑性和连贯性较差。文章缺少清晰、连贯的写作结构，论证段和首位段观点有出入，并且不足以支撑主要观点，任务完成度较低。此外，逻辑关系处理地不理想，逻辑衔接词使用不够充分、准确。修改建议：首先作者拿到题目后，需要仔细审题，然后确定写作框架，并根据写作整体结构分段。这里老师列出了本篇作文基本的写作思路建议，供作者参考：
Para 1: Introducing the main idea of the news and elaborating opinions of both sides and claiming your personal point of view.
Para 2: Stating the significance of legislation in dealing with plastic waste.
Para 3: Stating the importance of the technological approach in addressing plastic waste.
Para 4: Restating your opinion by summarizing main evidence based the above argument.
作者还需要注意在写作过程中即使查看句与句之间的逻辑关系，添加必要的衔接手段。如：表示因果的衔接词because，so，therefore等；表示转折的衔接词however，but，yet，nevertheless等；表示递进的衔接词besides，in addition，what's more，furthermore等。
2. 句式表达较单一，缺少灵活性和多样性和地道性。 作者虽然具备了基本的英文写作能力，但是在语言应用上显然还欠缺熟练使用高级句式的水平，具体表现为：简单句较多，缺少复杂高级句式的应用；情态动词can、should、must等词汇构句较多，不太符合英语语言表达的地道性。修改建议： 加强从句，尤其是定语从句的应用。如：the legislation and technology are playing equally important roles in environmental protections, both of which are deserved to be concerned. 此外，情态动词表达过于生硬、绝对，建议用get to、be able to、be supposed to、be expected to等地道表达替换。
3. 论据论证不充分。从写作的规范性角度出发，本篇作文在第二段针对立场句的观点陈述有偏颇，部分观点未有明确陈述。第一段的立场句明确表达出作者是对科技之路和立法途径同时关切的，所以论证部分应该从两个层面清晰地陈列出采用各自解决途径的必要性。显然，本段仅是简略地提及了科技解决塑料污染的观点，对于立法途径鲜有提及，这是本篇文章在论证部分的主要失分点。修改建议：作者可分两段分别论证科技解决途径和立法之路的必要性，并分别举例论证，力图做到主要观点有据可依。此外，对于举例论证，作者需要详实论述环保与科技期刊是如何在科技领域帮助改善环境污染问题的，而不是仅仅抛出一个概念。
Ø 作文润色：
批改后精修文：92/100（一档文）
Solution to the Problem of Plastic Pollution: Legislation or Technology?
A piece of appalling news recently has gone virus on social media that a stranded whale was found dead along the Italian coast whose stomach was filled with almost 50 pounds of various plastic waste thrown by human beings. Admittedly, with the rapid development of our society, white pollution, such as medical waste, plastic bags and disposable dishware, has threatened the survival of wildlife, which has now been publicly acknowledged as an urgent issue demanding effective solutions. Some people claim that it is necessary to take legislation to restrict the utilization of plastic waste, while others consider technological renovation as the key solution. As far as I am concerned, I reckon that both effective legislation and technological approaches are supposed to be adopted comprehensively.
To begin with, it is imperative to take legislation to restrict overuse of plastic products. As the saying goes, authoritative regulations and laws, being as a sort of tangible hands, could control the market and spending behavior effectively. On one hand, governments might regulate all retail businesses are obliged to provide degradable plastic packages for customers, though it means adding extra cost to both manufacture and consumers. One other hand, it should be written into the law that every citizen is responsible to create an eco-friendly environment and those who throw plastic waste at will should be punishable by a fine. Since 2017, China has banned the import of western plastic waste, which has protected the ecological balance effectively.
In addition, the important role that modern technology has been playing shouldn't also be ignored. Since legislation might only reduce the number of plastic waste but cannot eradicate this problem completely, technological renovations will make it possible to create degradable materials like environmentally friendly plastic dishware and packages, which, thus , shall help prevent our environment from being polluted by plastics in the long run. On top of that, scientists are possible to innovate new recycled paper packages or other materials to replace the plastic bag for customers and businesses.
To sum up, it is strongly suggested that both legislation and technology should be adopted to address plastic waste, because the former will be effective to reduce the daily plastic utilization but the latter is possible to prevent this problem from the source.
评论 0